It is not easy to make a decision even if you are sure to be right. Every time there is a shadow of a doubt whether I am right or not. The worm of doubt is gnawing: what if everything goes not in the way I planned?
Our previous mistakes and sorrows bother us. We analyze the situation and the decision, again and again, trying to guess what could happen if you had made another decision. Our brain offers us different options to choose, so you think of them trying to mentally get out of possible troubles, but do not make a choice based on what is really important.
Every person tries to protect himself. Some lose their tension and throw themselves into the abyss. Others lose the will and cannot find the time to make the right decision.
There is another way: consciousness. Eric Barker in his book “Barking Up The Wrong Tree” explains how to use awareness while making the decision. Consciousness is a clear understanding of your thoughts and feelings. They should not capture you completely.
Psychologists analyzed this condition and create the therapy of acceptance and responsibility. This methodic helps to deal with negative thoughts and it will be easier for you to take reasonable solutions taking into consideration the matters that are really important.
How to get rid of a negative thought?
The right answer: in no way.
It is impossible to control your brain. Do not you believe? Try to forget some memories, for example, the episode of your embarrassment in front of a girl you fell in love with. Got it? I suppose no. When you try to forget the memories, you feel yourself worse as unpleasant thoughts only increase and come back.
There is one important news: negative thoughts help to make the right decision.
Every second in our brain appears lots of thoughts. Some of them always are negative as our brain lives under the slogan “it is better to protect yourself now than regret later.”
In ancient times one caveman he mistook the snake for a stick and it bit him, so he died. The other man saw a snake in every stick so he lived longer. Due to evolution, our brain tries to find the problem everywhere.
It should not be the reason for the wrong solutions and silly behavior. Our thoughts cannot fully control actions. You make the final solution. When you bother you also take the right solutions, does not it?
Where is the problem? In merger.
You and your thoughts are not the same!
In our brain, there are lots of ideas. Some of them are silly and you give them up. At times you can take the chatterbox too serious. You believe him so strong that you began to think that the nagging voice is you. Thus you begin to believe this voice including “I’m a fool”, “I will not cope with this case and will fail with shame in front of all honest people.”
A merger happens when the idea appears in your brain and you accept it while it is just a crazy assumption.
As psychologists say it occurs in the period when you cannot separate yourself from your ideas: you are fully absorbed in thoughts, connected by them — you are so merged that, in reality, you do not even understand exactly what YOU really think.
Our thoughts control our actions. That is why psychologists say that ideas push them to do something, or that they let the thoughts to dictate their behavior.
It is important to understand that things cannot go well if the brain screams “the life is shit” and you take it for granted.
What is going on? There are some options for how to explain what really happens. You identify yourself with the voice in the head and say “Yes, I hear this voice and it gives me the right direction. This voice never lied to me, everything as it says.
When you emerged with the negative thoughts then the sorrows appear. Drawing in the mind the awful pictures of a future you become nervous. As a result, it has a great influence on our solutions and very seldom on the better side. How to break this chain and stop this merger? Disperse.
Is it possible to separate yourself from your thoughts?
Surprisingly but you often do it, and even do not realize. Try to remember when you ever caught yourself on sad ideas and thought: “How did I think of this?”
Psychologists affirm that if there is such a thing as a merger with the thoughts, so to stop them you can just keep apart from them. Being absorbed with your thoughts it seems that the voice in the head tells the reality and demands you to react immediately. You agree even if you feel unhappy.
When you try to deal with it turns out that the voice is just expressing an idea. Maybe it is intelligent, maybe it is not. You don’t have to follow, you can just take it into consideration.
When you would like to stop this merger the disturbing thoughts stop giving a signal of danger, to which you must immediately respond. Now it is just a notification of a message and can be ignored. How to do this?
Ask yourself a question “What does my brain tell me?”
Pay attention to the fact that in this question we use the trick: you separate you and your brain. You make a distance that will help to analyze these thoughts critically.
It is useful to answer yourself whether it is right, is it useful, what is the benefit, etc.
So, it is useful to stop a merger. If there is a problem you are to make a step back and analyze the situation once more.
If you value the benefit of this thought, it will be easier for you to make the right solution that will not be based on your sorrows, fears of the past or worries.
Live in harmony with yourself and separate you from your brain!